Gareth, October 2004 his first time trying lobster...I made him cook it!
There, now that I've stood up and took my place among the 7 other inhabitants of Maine who don't like lobster either, I feel much better. But I gotta tell ya, our 'Lobster Haters Annonymous' meetings are pretty sparce. And I could be mistaken, but I could swear I saw someone dressed as one of those nasty red crustaceans picket our very last meeting. Cheeky git.
Matt, August 2006 at the Lobster Shack, trying lobster for the first time.
Seriously, I just don't like them. I think they look like large, bright red cockroaches!
I don't like the sound they make when you drop them into the boiling pot.
I don't like how they smell.
I don't like the slightly sweet taste or the feel of the meat in my mouth.
I don't like the fact that it takes "tools" just to get to the meat. I'm not good with tools in the first place. There are many folks who would even go so far as to say that me+tools is NOT a good thing. Martha doesn't even think I should be allowed to have tools. I'm a danger to myself and others in the general vicinity when I have tools of any kind, so placing a lobster-cracker-opener-thingy in my hands when I'm hungry and trying my damndest to get something to eat is probably not the best idea.
Yes, I've drenched them in butter, lemon, dill sauce...you name it. Hell, I'd probably have even tried them chocolate covered to appease the natives [when I first arrived in Maine] if I thought it would have helped.
But I just don't like lobster.
What I do like is how prosaic the tour brochures, old-time Mainers, locals, and even family (yes, I do have a lot of paternal family that hails from this neck of the woods) make lobster bakes out on the beach sound. It paints a pretty picture of life here in Maine along the coast. It painted such a pretty picture that I was convinced to try it. I mean really, everyone in Maine loves lobster. Everyone who vacations/holidays here in Maine has got to have at least one of the boiled/steamed/baked creepy looking crustaceans before they leave.
Meg at the Lobster Shack, August 2005....Incidentally, she LOVED lobster and can't wait to have some more!
Granted, I am NOT a seafood-person in the slightest. I can't stand the stuff really. I'm ok with beer-battered-deep-fried haddock once in a while but that's about it. I've tried salmon, soul, flounder, squid (ewww I think I just threw up a little in my mouth remembering that time with the squid), trout, talapia, clams, oysters, sea urchins (in all fairness that one was after half a bottle of Merlot and a bet that I couldn't do it...another glass of wine and $50 later I was running for the ladies room and worshipping the porcelain throne) and myriad other fresh and salt-water fish. Oh and I can't forget the crab. I don't know whether I feel more sorry for me or the waiter who had front row seats to watching me gag and then regurgitate fresh crab which sat atop my filet mingon.
Gareth's brother Tim, eating lobster here in Maine.
So why I thought lobster would be any different, I don't know. I got carried away in the moment. Ok, call me a follower. But it doesn't change that I thought it was foul.
God-forbid though you scarcely mention outloud 'round these parts that you aren't fond of lobstahhhh. Eyes immediately pop out of heads, upon hearing the words; "no, I really don't care for lobster', heads whip around at 50mph and mouths drop wide open with faces locked in shock at the person who dared diss the local delicacy. No word of a lie, Mainers - even the little ones, find it unfathomable that someone not like lobster .
Gareth and I love to entertain and since moving into this house have held a few fairly good parties. At our Christmas party we encouraged people to bring their children, which several did. I was sitting on the sofa, taking a break from all the action in the dining room centered around the wine bar, when one of my neighbours sons came in to talk to me and play with Gaby.
"P", my neighbours son was 5 at the time. I'm not sure how the conversation became centered around fish and seafood but he started to talk about how his daddy's boat sank out in the cove at the end of our street but it was all fixed and boy how P was looking forward to helping his dad drop lobster pots come this summer. I asked P if he liked lobster and he looked at me like it was a really stupid question. I should have stopped right there. I mention that I don't care too much for lobster and P looks at me as if I've suggested that Sesame Street be cancelled and Elmo and Big Bird be shot. Seriously folks, the expression on this kid's face could not have been more shocked.
"You live in Maine by a beach and you don't like lobster? Are you joking me?" P asked me.
I replied, "Nope P, I don't like them. I think they're kinda gross. They don't taste good to me"
This stops P dead in his tracks and he looks absolutely gobsmacked that someone could actually live in Maine, near the water no less and not like lobster. He is so totally horrified by this that he can't speak and runs to find his mom.
Just goes to show that the lobster indoctrination starts as soon as they pop the baby outta the womb. Heck, I reckon it probably starts in-utero with mama singing a creole lullaby that goes; "Sleep, little one. Sleep, or the lobster will eat you. Your father is
off to sea. Your mother, off to the river to wash. Sleep -- the lobster
is in the gumbo pot." There's even a children's musical story called, "Juanita the Spanish Lobster" that I'm sure is a staple of bookshelves everywhere around here. I could be mistaken but I am quite certain I've heard refrains of; "rockabye baby, don't you cry, when you wake we'll have a lobster fry....."
Just the same, there have to be other people like me all over the United States....folks in Florida who hate oranges, Moms in Maui who hate pineapple, southern folk in Savannah who hate barbeque, and Seattlelites who harbor contempt for coffee! Stand up and be heard! Start a message board...or even a support group...it doesn't matter if only seven of you attend!
