Barking Mad

Never.....EVER.....Again!

I sit here, drying off, in pain and out of breath.

Next to me, in his crate is the demon puppy from hell, licking his wounds so to speak. He has the hiccups.  Occasionally he looks up with me and glares at me which can only mean he's going to pee on my feet at his next available opportunity. 

The bathroom and bathtub look like a clyclone hit it.  Water is everywhere.  Muddy footprints line the floor, one wall and the entire tub and tile surrounding it. 

It's safe to say that I do not like puppies.  I like muddy wet puppies even less.  And I can say that I absolutely detest giving muddy wet puppies a bath!  And....I will never, ever do it again.  I don't care if a whacking great chunk of blue space poo lands squarely on him and covers him from snout to tail.  He will go, blue goo and all, to a groomer.  Or I will pay some gullible teenager vast sums of money to take him outside, lather him, scrub him, rinse and dry him. 

But I will not bathe a dog ever again.

Wonderful.  On top of everything else I smell like wet dog. 

Disgusted!!!!

McCain takes Florida.  Barf! 

At least now maybe Yuckabee and GeeWhizliani will get the message and abandon ship.  Well, one would hope anyhow. 

What I don't get is that 47% of Republican voters in FL cite the economy as their overwhelming concern....HELLO!!!!! Did ya'll forget your Geritol?  Mitt Romney clearly has all the marbles when it comes to knowing how to manage the economy.   It's a proven fact that illegal aliens (I refuse to call them immigrants, having legally IMMIGRATED my spouse the USA it's an insult to those of us who wait and wait and spend thousands of dollars to call those who hop the border and circumvent our laws, "immigrants".) are a drain on the economy, especially in border states, most notably California...and here's McCain wanting to give all nearly TWELVE MILLION ILLEGAL ALIENS here now, AMNESTY.....Defacto amnesty!

What frightens me even more about the possibility of McCain being the Republican nominee is the fact that should Hilarity Clinton be the Democratic nominee, she's almost a shue-in against McCain.

Yeah, I really want someone who graduated 5th from the bottom of his Naval Academy class as our Commander and Chief.

And again I say BARF!

Trying to Housebreak a Puppy AND a Toddler....I am in HELL!

I have ALWAYS maintained that puppies are cute for about 5 minutes.  Especially when said puppy belongs to you.

Well, Casey was cute for all of 45 seconds before he peed on the carpet for the first time. Then he barfed in his crate.  He followed that by pooping in the hallway.  He is no longer cute.   Casey, now known as demon dog, hell-puppy, poop machine, furball from hell, and Prince of Pee has occasional moments of "cute" that are often overlooked by someone in the house shouting; "Oh my gosh, grab that mutt, quick he's going to pee/poop on the carpet!!!!"   

When he's not ruining the carpet upstairs (it's a good thing we decided long before getting demon dog that we were going to pull up the carpet upstairs - it's practically new but we have opted for hardwood floors in that part of the house), he's chewing on everything, and I mean EVERYTHING...Yes, he has a plethora of toys designed for the obsessive canine infant/toddler/teen....but he prefers human toes, fingers, clothes, hair, and especially that tender part right on the back of my freakin' calves!  OUCH!

I keep trying to tell myself that he's going to grow into a great adult Goldendoodle dog that we are soooo looking forward to.  But in reality, I'm not altogether sure we're going to make it through 'puppyhood.'  I swear, I'm going to need therapy by the time all is said and done.

And if demon dog doesn't keep me on a therapist's couch then Gaby is bound to.  Oh my Lord...I love this child, I do...more than anything, but I gotta tell ya, there are days when I just wanna pull my hair out.  Take the following conversation for example;

Mommy: Gaby, it's time to pick up your toys.
Gaby:  No, not now.
Mommy: Yes Gaby, right now. 
Gaby:  I'm busy.
Mommy:  C'mon Gaby lets clean up, mommy will even sing the clean up song...:"clean up, clean up, everybody cleans up, clean up clean up before the puppy eats your baby doll."

At this point Gaby grabs her baby doll (one of many) and runs over to Casey and tells him very sternly,

"Don't eat baby dolly, is MINE!!!!"

Then she walks back over to me, plops herself in the middle of the floor and states in a very satisfactory tone;

" OK mommy, you clean up now!"

In her world it's as simple as that.  She has taken care of the imminent threat of demon dog eating baby dolly and that's all that matters so therefore that negates the need for her to pick up her toys at all.  Of course five minutes later, once she's dropped baby doll in exchange for another toy, Casey will walk over, and place a baby doll appendage in his mouth and happily start to chew and then all hell breaks loose because Gaby realizes Casey has her baby and she wants me to intervene and save baby dolly from vampire puppy's teeth of death.  And to add insult to injury it's somehow my fault that he has baby dolly. I then get roped into consoling not only Gaby but baby dolly as well. 

Don't even get me started on trying to potty-learn Gaby.  Oi!  We had two weeks of bliss when we thought we were almost there and all we had left to conquer was night-time PL'ing.  Ha!  And again I say HA!  She now wants nothing to do with her special little potty seat, or the big potty, or pretty panties or anything to do with it at all.  Not only will this child NOT wean herself from the breast, but she is going to be in diapers forever! 

That's right....we're going to be the people in the big brown house with newspaper lining our entire upstairs and the 5 year old still in diapers who is running around yelling, "clean up clean up, mommy's going to clean up, clean up clean up mommy's cleaning up doggy poop!!!!"