Kidnapping by the Numbers

This post is probably going to end up earning me a space on the FBI Watch List, but oh well.  It will have been well worth it.  Plus, how many other mommy bloggers do you know that are on the FBI Watch List?  Yeah, I thought so.

Here's what you'll need:

2 Almost-Nineteen year olds- one of whom must be a slightly paranoid male who isn't fond of cemeteries, seances, or anything slightly supernaturally spooky.  Does our sweet faced, adorable victim look familiar?  His name is Paul...maybe you've read about him here before.

The other Almost-Nineteen year old should be related to you, preferably your daughter.  This additional person will act as your accomplice.  Accomplices are necessary.  They just are.

3 Tickets to a late night showing of Twilight. (I'll explain why this is important in a minute, the Twilight part I mean -). 

1 Blindfold.  I found, for this particular felony that a complimentary airline eye-cover (or whatever the hell they're called) works well.  Megawatt, my accomplice, suggested we use duct tape, but I was going for a kinder, gentler approach.  Besides, I think you'll agree, once you see some of the upcoming photos (What? You think I'd do something like this and NOT have photos of it?), that using duct tape would have caused some pretty severe trauma (that the kidnapping itself didn't cause)of the painful kind.  Um yeah, our victim was in need of a shave! 

1 Driver - which would be yours truly. 

I bet you're asking yourself; "Why, why would they want to kidnap such an adorable young man?  Is he worth millions?  Did he do something heinous? Why?"

It's simple really.  Paul overheard Megawatt and I talking about seeing Twilight and he made fun of us! OH YES HE DID!  Megawatt and I looked at each other after he made some smart ass remarks about the movie and just knew we had to avenge our delicate vampire-loving sensibilities and those of our fellow Twilight fans. 

Megawatt suggested taking Paul to see the movie and I scoffed at the idea because hello...hadn't I already subjected myself to a night out at the movies recently?  So I told her we should just find a little copy online and make him sit through it.  She rolled her eyes and I knew I might as well give in.  I told her we'd do it as long as it was the latest showing possible.  Hence, our plan began to hatch. 

We knew there was no way in hell that Paul would willingly go see the movie.  No chance.  So we pretty much told him we would be taking him on a little adventure...a kidnapping of sorts.  And from there, things just kind of snowballed. 

Megawatt even convinced me to take him down to Cape Elizabeth first and take him to dinner at a little pizza joint down there that is near and dear to our hearts.  Despite my misgivings about all the social interaction, all she had to do was mention Cape Elizabeth and she knew it wouldn't take much to convince me.  Besides, I reasoned that dinner would probably relax Paul a little bit.  He truly had no idea what we were going to be doing with him that night.  

Now, because I want to offer you, my luvlies, a unique perspective into the anatomy of a kidnapping from the victim himself, I have asked Paul to help me out just a bit.   So Paul is going to take over from here.  Now, this is his first time out here, so be nice!  He's a real softie and *ahem* says he's still traumatized from that evening's events. 

Paul's Side

Hello all! My name is Paul and I'm the sorry soul who actually gave his consent to be kidnapped. Auds wanted me to help add to the post, maybe put you guys in my head at the time of the kidnapping, so here I am. Just keep in mind that this was a rather traumatic experience and I'm not too sure that I've recovered to the point where I can confidently write about it. But for you, the lovely readers, I will reflect upon the memories that have forever scarred me in order to present you with my perspective.

It stared out as a regular night. Auds and Megawatt picked me up at my house around 6, after getting lost. They then proceeded to take me to the Cape Elizabeth area where they shared with me a little bit of their recent history. I must say I rather enjoyed this part of my extravaganza because I have made their house my second home. It really gave me a chance to get to know a little more about them as a family. I must also note that I was COMPLETELY calm at this point. We then continued on with dinner, which again went smoothly. We all ate and socialized while I finished my meal with a lovely handful of those dried hot pepper flakes they have sitting on the tables at pizza places. I can imagine you guys are thinking "normal people don't eat handfuls of dried hot pepper..." Let me defend myself. Auds told me that she'd give me a dollar if I ate a handful, and since I am a poor college freshman I was in no position to decline. Perfectly legit reason. Anyways, after dinner is when it got a little sketchy.

After dinner they immediately blindfolded me and stuck me in the back of the jeep. 

 

***Wait a minute, I need to interject something here which Paul has completely forgotten, probably due to all that *cough* trauma he suffered. 

Shortly after leaving Ocean House Pizza, I was cruising along Route 77 in Cape and I was not speeding, I just want to make that perfectly clear right now.  I think I've learned that my mad skillz are only going to be charming for so long and that my luck is eventually going to run out! 

So, I was saying, I was just cruising down the road and in my rear view mirror I see flashing blue lights which can only mean ONE THING.  At first I thought I was being pulled over because Megawatt had been sitting in the front passenger seat snapping pictures of Paul, blindfolded and the flash was almost blinding.  I'm assuming I'm going to get ticketed for reckless driving or something similar.

It wasn't a big deal anyhow.  Just a burnt out tail light.  But, you know me, I had to take advantage of the photo opp!

 

Cape Elizabeth cops rock!  The most chilled-out police officers I've come across in a long time.  I mean, not that I have a wealth of experience with Cape cops.  

I'll shut up now and let Paul get back to telling his side of the events of that very *cough* traumatic night...

After driving around for a little bit, Auds and Meg began discussing preparations that had to be made. I wasn't worried until Meg asked which particular Latin incantations she needed to memorize. Then to make things worse Auds proceeded to explain that if Meg did not get that particular incantation COMPLETELY right, it would ruin everything and end badly. They kept talking about hiking up the side of a rocky bluff and then through an old cemetery to get to the altar. Then Auds started speaking in Latin and I started to wonder just what they were going to do to me.   Oh yeah I guess I should give you guys a little more background information pertaining to the story.

Earlier that week I was over at the house having a conversation about seances, in which I said "I would never do something like that, that stuff freaks me out." Well right about this time I was freaking out. I had no idea what they were going to do to me and I could not think straight to save my life. To make matters worse all the soda and chocolate milk I drank to wash down the hot pepper flakes had run right through me, so I had to use the bathroom...really badly. Surprisingly they honored my one request to stop. I wish they hadn't. Aside from having to use the bathroom blindfolded (I know, cruel aren't they) I had no idea where I was. But that's not the worst part. As I made my way back to the jeep, with Megawatt's assistance, I was such a ball of nerves at that point I actually tried to get into the car backwards. Yes backwards. Don't ask me how I did it, I was blindfolded and couldn't do it again even if I tried.

 

 

I knew Auds was taking pictures because I could hear the sounds coming from the camera and she was laughing so hard I thought maybe she might fall over.  But then, she is the one who fed a bunch of us Marmite and thought it was hysterical!

We finally arrived at our destination and I managed to calm myself down a little considering the whole way they were telling me "you need to be calm and have an open mind for this experience or else it will end badly." The only thing I was thinking was "well why don't you just sedate me because at this point "calm" is impossible." However, apparently I wasn't calm enough. So they were going to take me to a room in which I could relax a little and collect myself before we reached our final destination. So with Meg's assistance, again, they took me to this room in which they had me sit down. They began to ask me if I was calm and how I was doing and such, and I was doing much better at that point...until they told me I could remove the blindfold. I removed my blindfold and found myself sitting in a freakin' movie theater. I'll admit that I was still clueless at this point, and it wasn't until Auds and Meg began laughing hysterically that I figured out that the movie theater was our destination the whole time.

Apparently at some point they decided that they HAD to take me to see Twilight and this was the ONLY way they could get me to do it. I will admit that they were right, that was probably the only way they'd get me to see that movie. I'll also admit that I loved the movie. Yes I said it, a male freshman in college went and actually enjoyed the movie Twilight. (I'm also currently reading the first book in the series). All in all it was a good trip for me that had a few "firsts." I managed to use the bathroom blindfolded for the first time, It was the first time that I managed to get into a car backwards  and it was the first, AND LAST, time I walked into a movie theater blindfolded.

I just want to end this post by giving Auds and Meg a big thank you. I will never again be the same trusting person I used to be. I would also like to thank all of you who actually read this. Hopefully I didn't bore you too much. And last but not least...Kids, kidnapping is NOT okay. In fact it is a felony. never, ever agree to be kidnapped because you might not end up in a movie theater...

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So, there ya have it folks!  A kidnapping victim lives to tell the tale and BLOG about it.  Where else are you going to find this kind of entertainment?  No where except right here, where we're all just slightly Barking Mad!

Oh and as for Paul?  He still claims to be suffering from the traumatic events of that evening.  Perhaps there's something to that as he feigned sickness when we invited him over here for a Horror Movie Night, right before he left to go back to school down in Syracuse after the holidays.

 

P.S. Seriously, Paul rocks, despite his fear of all things supernatural.  He's become not only a close family friend, but a close friend of mine.  He's such a good sport about everything...even the fact that the Little Imp is positive she's going to marry him one day!