Megawatt and I were in the car heading back to her college campus and I had the Twilight score (not the soundtrack, the Carter Burwell score) playing in the CD player. The track had just come on from the scene where Bella and Edward are on the run from Victoria's crazed pack of vamps...
Megawatt: Dude, I kinda feel like there should be wicked crazy vampires chasing us.
Me: That would be AWESOME!
Megawatt: Word!
Me: Was that just a really weird Gilmore Girls/Lorelai-Rory moment?
Megawatt: Totally.
Me: Hypothetically speaking, would you ever let another vampire turn you, I mean, assuming hellaciously fine-ass vampires like Jasper and Edward were real?
Megawatt: Hell yes! They wouldn't even have to ask.
Me: Well, hypothetically speaking, just make sure you've eaten and are full before you come home for a visit.
Megawatt: That's chill.
Me: I think this conversation has moved from the realm of a Gilmore Girls/Lorelai-Rory moment into the truly strange and bizarre.
Megawatt: That's us though, bizarre and strange.
Me: Word!
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Daddy and the Little Imp were playing with PlayDoh. They were playing with green, purple and bright orange PlayDoh.
Little Imp: *rolling a huge ball of green PlayDoh*: Daddy, would you like some mold?
Daddy: Pardon?
Little Imp: Daddy, I'm giving you a moldy frog's toenail. Here, take it.
Yeah, I'm not sure where the hell she's picked up the phrase, "moldy frog's toenail" but rest assured, we haven't got any of those around here. But ya know, she's being creative, so maybe I should let it slide. I think.
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Recently on one of Megawatt's visits home, after I had rearranged one of the kitchen cabinets into something less chaotic, she went to grab a tea bag from the cupboard where they used to be. She yells, at the top of her lungs...
Megawatt: Mommmmmmmmmm! Come here!
Me: What? Why are you yelling like that?
Megawatt: *standing there with the cupboard door ajar, hands on hips* Is there something you want to tell me?
Me: About what?
Megawatt: You can't think of anything that maybe I should know?
Me: Other than the fact that you're starting to make me wonder if you need medication?
Megawatt: There's not ANYTHING you want to tell me? Maybe something you and DDG (her name for her step-dad) should be telling me; wanted to tell me?
Me: What the hell are you talking about?
Megawatt: *truly indignant now* Yeah OK...I just kinda thought that news like this; you might wanna share with your oldest daughter.
Me: Maybe I didn't say this clearly enough last time, but again, what the hell are you talking about? There's nothing I need, or want to tell you...well except that you're starting to irritate me.
Megawatt: Fine. Fine then. I guess we'll just wait until you give birth.
Me: WHAT THE HELL? WHAT THE FREAKING HELL HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING?
Megawatt: *grabbing the bottle of prenatal vitamins on the cupboard shelf and foisting it towards me like it's some sort of huge cockroach* I think it's obvious isn't it? Why would you be taking THESE *shoving the bottle of prenatal vitamins practically in my face.* if you aren't going to have a baby?
Me: OMG chill already! I have to take these because my body requires more vitamins at this point than a regular multivitamin could provide, due to all the crap I've put myself through. I've been taking them since before Imp was even born, and now I'll probably have to take them the rest of my life.
Megawatt: Are you sure?
Me: Dude, yes I'm sure, or would you like me to pee on a stick in front of you so you can see for yourself that I'm not pregnant?
Megawatt: Nawww, it's cool. Just don't scare me like that again.
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At the Little Imp's Montessori they recently talked about what mommy's and daddy's do during the day. The Little Imp's teacher gets to her and asks her what her daddy does at work?
Little Imp: My daddy paints money at work and talks to guys that Megawatt finks are hot.
Imp's Teacher: *holding back laughter* OK and what does your mommy do?
Little Imp: I don't know.
Imp's Teacher: Does your mommy write?
Little Imp: Well she does dat, but she mossly blogs on da 'puter.
Gee thanks kid!
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During a recent visit to Little Imp's pediatrician, we were seated not far from an elderly gentleman who was almost completely bald, except for the littlest bit of fluffy white hair around the sides. The gentleman looks over at the Little Imp and at the book she's reading and says:
Elderly Gentleman: That's a fine book you have there Little Miss. My granddaughter has that very same book and loves to have her grandmama read it to her whenever she comes to see us.
Little Imp: I gots lotsa books. I really like dis one.
Elderly Gentleman: My granddaughter likes the swamp monster the best and always giggles with her grandmama gets to that part.
Little Imp: You gots no hair.
At this point I wanted to fall into a huge black hole. Just sayin'!
Elderly Gentleman: *sensing my complete mortification* Awww, it's alright. I get it quite a lot from the wee folk. *Looking at Little Imp and smiling broadly* I guess, Little Miss, I've just sort of lost it over the years.
Little Imp: Oh dats vewwwwy sad. Want me to help you find it?
Mercifully the Little Imp's name was called and we were ushered into an examination room. I was so tempted to ask, on our way out, if we could leave via a back entrance/exit.
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