Ouch! That Damned Cat - Part II

It's almost summer-time here in Maine and along with that come fresh Maine strawberries.  Whilst I would much rather be blogging about these...

...and what happens when you leave them sitting in the colander on the counter, unnattended; namely this...

...alas, I can not.

Why?

Well, it's really quite simple. 

You see, I recently bought a pair of pants that have dangly tassels on the sides of the leg openings at the bottom.  They're cute.  Yes indeed, fat girl pants can be cute and these are the cat's meow...literally.  Little did I know that they not only are they cute, but would lead me to yell obscenities at the top of my lungs and shed tears of pain whilst trying to find something to stop the profuse bleeding from several tiny puncture wounds on my legs.

It seems Geronimo thinks that I am choosing my clothing with him in mind, and being that I am a huge idiot at times, I'd have to agree...although I bought these without giving any mind to the prowling, fur-covered-blue-eyed-5lb Ninja who lurks among us.

Ouch dammit!



Would you just look that those dangly bits of skin as the beast sinks his teeth into my meaty ham hocks legs!



Look at the dagger-like claws of the evil little shit, covered in fur and rolled in cuteness.



Don't be fooled or sucked in by those blue eyes. Oh no.  For behind those blue eyes lurks the heart of a killer...a killer sinking his claws into my legs, with a mind for destruction and blood!

Lots of blood.

My legs are now sporting no less than 22 tiny pieces of loo-roll stuck to them in an attempt to stave off the flow of blood from the puncture wounds.  I look like I tried to shave my legs with a 50 year old rusty razor.

Sure, I'd love to be regaling you all with tales of the Little Imp filching strawberries whilst she thought her mommy wasn't looking (alas, I was, and the camera has the evidence of her deeds!), or even tattling on her new penchant for telling people she's going to "skateboard to hell."  Don't ask me where she picked that up from because I have no idea...the same way I have no idea how on earth, after only hearing the theme song from HBO's True Blood, ONCE, she now knows it by heart and takes great joy in watching the blood drain from my face as she belts out the last line of the tune that goes, "....I wanna do bad things with youuuuuuu." 

But I can't, all because of that damned cat!