You've Got to be Kidding Me! Twilight Barbies

I have freely admitted to reading all of the books in the Twilight series.  I even went so far as to let Meg drag me to the opening night of the movie here in Maine.   I bought the DVD when it came out and even hosted an awesome (if I do say so myself), Twilight giveaway.   Depending on how I'm feeling (Meg will already be in Houston for Basic training with the USAF), when Twilight: New Moon comes out, I'll probably go and see that.   I daresay, I'll probably even purchase the soundtrack just like I did with the original movie. Meg and I even committed a possible felony all in the spirit of Twilight.  How much more devoted can I get?

However, I absolutely will not be buying either of these freakish looking "Barbie" dolls...

Seriously?  I can't believe they can even get away with calling these things "Barbies."  If I were Barbie, I'd be throwing one hell of a bitchfit over these posers. 

When I first read the article that accompanied the image of the dolls, a few things struck me as odd.  First, why does Edward look so familiar?  Is it the uncanny resemblance to Robert Pattinson?  NO!  Hmmm, what ever could it be?  Oh I know!  He looks a lot like this guy...

If you're missing the Michael Myers doll for your Halloween Doll House, have no fear, the Edward Cullen Barbie can act as an impromptu stand-in!  All you have to do is purchase a miniature butcher knife and a Jamie Lee Curtis doll and you're ready to rock-n-roll!

Next up is Bella.  Bella is just all wrong.  The Barbie isn't anywhere near as emo as our belovedly annoying Bella is.  The Bella Barbie is smiling.  Sure, Bella smiles, but it's never a real smile.  It's a pained and anguished grin.  

The Bella Barbie not only looks as if she's smiling, but like she's had a touch too much Botox.  Again, it's just all wrong.   And her hair?  The Barbie hair is shiny...Edward's love would never have shiny hair.  I suggest, if you buy the Bella Barbie that you put a dash of olive oil in her hair, or maybe rub some sand in it.  Either way, she'll look a touch more like the actual Hollywood portrayal of Bella Swan.

Can you imagine, once these hit the shelves in November, all the tweens who will immediately dump their blonde and buxom Barbies for this bizarre duo?  I can just see them having little fanpire playdates with other little girls who have Edward or Bella.  Can you imagine the texts?

Ashley:     Can u brng Edward ovr 2 play w/ Bella?
Taylor:      OK! Let me find a wolf from my brths GI Joe set so we can have a Jacob 2!

Gone are the days of Barbie and Ken riding around in their Malibu cruiser.  They have been replaced by Edward and Bella and angst and longing and forbidden love.

Ashley:     "Bite me Edward, please I want to be like you and live forever."
Taylor:     "No, I can not. I will not.  I will not turn you into one of us...one of the monsters."
Dane:       *Ashley's older brother, who grabs the plastic wolf that Taylor brought over*
                "You both suck! Ha ha Edward, get it!  I'm going to turn you both into Alpo!"

What next?  Cabbage Patch kids with fangs?  My Little Pony that turns into a demon stallion from Hell?  Baby Alive that can either drink milk from a bottle or suckle blood from a fawn?