image credit - me
I'm not too sure where I'm going with this, so just roll with me, OK?
Today has been bad. Really bad. However, as I sit here in a comfortable chair, surrounded by a husband who loves me and would do anything for me, children who are gifts beyond measure and their laughter like a symphony from heaven - laughter that drifts down around my ears like the softest of downy feathers, I am reminded that all is not lost. This is a great comfort to me as I slog through my valley of shadows...shadows that today have loomed dark and frightening.
In order to beat back the shadows and stave off the abyss that beckons me from the muddy hole below, I will count my blessings.
I will remind myself and be grateful for...
...The two other toilets in my home which aren't currently blocked by a Polly Pocket, small bottle of body spray or something less appealing and a husband with nerves of steel, willing to stick his hand down the loo in order to see if he couldn't fish out whatever was blocking the pipe. No need for hands when there are coat hangers. Despite the superficial inconvenience, the toilet can wait until we can afford to have a plumber come to the house to repair it so that we don't make matters worse by trying to DIY it.
...My husband who pulls me up when I refuse to get off the floor and reminds me that it's just a house and there will be others and that the important things are my health and our family's well being.
...My daughter Meaghan who will be leaving in 26 days and heading to Texas for boot camp with the United States Air Force. She has been and continues to be a powerful force in my life which moves me and touches me like no other. This beautiful child is excitedly and proudly about to take on a roll, serving her country so that we might all sleep better at night. She's postponed the rest of her college education in order to take on this new adventure, and in doing so may very well be called to do things, in the name of not only our country, but of our children and grandchildren, that most young women of 19 never dream of doing. Meaghan, despite our mighty tussles from time to time, you amaze me. I don't know how I am going to get through the holidays without you, but I will because you wouldn't have it any other way.
...The wind and the rain which wash away the sorrows of yesterday and usher in the promises of tomorrow.
...The vibrant orange and yellow trees outside my window; such a contradiction to the dark purplish-gray clouds overhead. They remind me that color and light can still be found in even the darkest of places.
...The company that keeps my husband employed despite the bleak economic outlook, especially here in Maine. I'm grateful for their continued faith in him and for the help of the people who coordinate the health care benefits who have bent over backwards for me - trying to find a way to relieve some of the sting of our medical bills.
...The fact that I live in country where I have the right to voice my opinion and my beliefs and not be jailed for them, regardless of those who might disagree with me, or cry foul.
...Finally standing up for myself and taking some of my own power back and standing my ground. I did the right thing for my family and for me and refuse to be bullied or swayed by the words of anyone else.
...The little hands that find my heart and without fail every night, cling tight to me and remind me that I might be just one person in this big huge world, but to one person I am the big huge world...Gaby's world.
...Curly hair. It is, in a word, perfect. And so is the bearer of the curly hair!
...My son Matthew who never fails to ask if there is anything he can to help me out and never hesitates when I say, "Yes Matthew, there is." He is becoming a wonderful man and I am glad he is here with us.
...This community. Yes, this one right here, the same one that brought me to you, or you to me. I often tell myself that I everyone out there would never notice if I stopped contributing to this community and it wouldn't make that much of a difference and that you don't need my continued presence to make a difference in your lives. But...I need you and you all make a difference in my life. You matter to me and I am grateful for you. I know I don't hardly come around and comment any more, but please know that I'm there, reading and absorbing your words. Whether they are profound, humorous, melancholy, or said in the throws of frustration...I am there and listening and so very thankful for your voices. Through your voices I am able to feel along in the darkness for my own.
...My voice and the power it gives me when I choose to use it, when I give myself permission to use it. I promise to remind myself each and every day, no matter how hard or impossible it seems, to be grateful for the gift of my voice and to use it...to stand up for myself and use my voice to reclaim the power that was taken from me in the most foul and repugnant manner and to use my voice to regain my footing amongst the rest of humanity.
...Every day that I open my eyes because it's a day that I haven't let the darkness steal from me. I won that day and I am blessed with the gift of another day.
Don't forget, during the entire month of October, to support the fight against breast cancer, Barking Mad is in the pink! For every comment left on each post, we'll donate a certain amount to Susan G. Komen for the Cure®. Read more about it here!
