Originally, when Gareth called home last Friday, the 30th and let me know that the other shoe had dropped, I was many things but definitely not in a mood to party. Losing his job - a good paying job in an industry that has been hit extremely hard in this recession, is terrifying to me. I was in the car taking Matt to work when the phone rang. I pulled over and let out a few choked sobs, wiped my eyes and listened to Gareth tell me he'd be home by early afternoon. He had to clean out his office. It actually took him longer than just a little while because men he'd worked with came in from field offices and various project sites around coastal Maine to say goodbye and wish him well. I know how hard it was for him to say goodbye to so many people he'd worked so closely with.
I dropped Matt off at work and drove to the beach at Land's End. Gaby was softly snoring in her car seat while "Whistle While You Work" from her Snow White DVD droned on in the background. I dug my fingernails into the steering wheel and shook with uncontrollable quiet sobs. I wanted nothing more than to punch Snow White and those fucking merry dwarves in the face! No one in our family would be whistling while they worked because there wasn't going to be a job to go to!
I lifted my head and looked out the windshield of the car, through watery eyes and just sat and let the tears fall down my face as the wind blew and the waves softly lapped at the shore. I took a deep breath in and opened the center console searching for something to blow my nose into and wipe my eyes with. All I could find were baby wipes. Along with the tears and snot came mascara and the rest of my makeup that I'd haphazardly applied earlier that morning. I was sure I looked scarily appropriate for Halloween Eve.
I played back Gareth's phone call in my mind, hearing his voice so broken and tearful. I turned around and watched Gaby sleep, blissfully unaware of how her small world was changing, unbeknown to her. A sharp pain in my chest made me wince. I couldn't let her see me like this and I knew at that moment in time that my own attitude would go a long way towards determining how our family responded to and dealt with this crisis.
I sat up straight, undid my seat belt and slid quietly from my seat so as not to wake Gaby. As silently as possible, I shut my door and walked to the front of the car. I slid my arm carelessly over my face in an attempt to brush away the tears and then looked up at the sky. I don't know if I was praying, or talking to the Universe or just verbalizing my fears out of earshot of Gaby...but I do know that I gave myself 5 solid minutes to freak out, to worry, to panic, to give the fears that were rolling around in my head and sitting on the tip of my tongue an escape route because I knew that airing them around those I needed to be strong for wouldn't do anyone a damn bit of good. One of my biggest fears is not being able to go to Texas in January and see Meg graduate from BMT. But we'll deal with it.
I stood for a moment longer and let the wind dry my face and inhaled deeply - the perfume of the ocean which is always so calming to me. I closed my eyes and just listened to the sounds around me...the wind in the trees, the shore birds calling to one another and the waves breaking on the rocks. I let these sounds sink deep into my soul and center me. I took strength from my surroundings and thanked God and the Universe for leading me to a place where I could find my footing and regain some composure. I said a silent prayer for the other men and women who had lost their jobs along with Gareth that day, including Gareth's boss, the Vice President of the company. I hope that favorable winds are blowing their way.
I got back into the car and grabbed my cell phone and opened up the Note Pad application and started making a list of things that would need to be done immediately. Phone calls that would have to be made, a list of people to email, and then I sent a brief text to family letting them know what had happened. I hadn't intended on letting Meg know that Gareth had lost his job. She knew that his company had already been through two severe rounds of layoffs, but as far as she was concerned, we had been told his job was secure...as secure as it could be in this economy. In the end, because Matt was with me when the call came in from Gareth, I decided it was best not to hide it from her. I just didn't want to worry her when she was so close to leaving for BMT. In the end, it only drew her nearer to us in ways which are hard to describe.
Since Friday so many unexpected things have happened. We've discovered that the professional community which Gareth is a part of reaches out to those in need and has helped connect Gareth with others in positions to either network him with companies looking for professionals like him, or with headhunters who are familiar with his specialty and certifications. We've realized that as individuals in our family we are capable of a lot, but when we pull together even tighter, there isn't anything we aren't capable of.
Yes, things may get tough for us for a while. Yes, we are going to have to make some major changes in our lives, one of which is probably going to mean moving out of Maine. Interestingly enough the areas where jobs in Gareth's field are plentiful are in places like Alaska, Hawaii and Texas. We'll go where the work is, no questions asked. We know that when all is said and done we may have to up sticks and start over somewhere else. But ya know what? We'll do that! And we'll be OK doing that...so long as we're together as a family and facing whatever challenges lie ahead of us, as a family, we can, and will, get through this.
So tomorrow, in light of recent events here at the asylum, we're going to be throwing a Pink-Slip party and ya'll are invited to come, even if it's only in spirit. There will be much baking and merry-making and I promise to not punch any Disney characters in the face! We're also going to be drowning our sorrows in buckets of Pink Slip Lemonade!
In the end, we are stronger than this and whilst we haven't landed on our feet yet, we will land. It might not be a soft landing, but however we land, we'll pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and move forward. Things may indeed get worse before they get better...but the point is, they will get better and we will come through this intact, stronger as individuals and much stronger as a family!
