I can't even begin to count the number of times over the last couple of months I've made mountains out of what are really little more than the smallest of molehills. At times, I think I do this to avoid the bigger picture, other times I think it's just a knee jerk reaction because it's the way I've always done things.
So, when I clicked on a this recent picture on Meaghan's Facebook profile, I very nearly had a heartastroke!
Meaghan told me a while back that she was going to be getting a tattoo once it was permissible (there is some sort of rule in the USAF about when you can get them, where they can be; that sort of thing) but that it would be small and in an inconspicuous place. She knows that I'm not really fond of them. This goes back to her dad (my first ex-husband) and the fact that when our marriage was at the tail end he started getting lots of tattoos. LOTS OF THEM. They weren't artistic, or pretty...just tasteless, tacky and trashy. I've had a thing against tattoos ever since.
Don't get me wrong...there are a lot of people in my life that I love dearly who have not just one tattoo, but many. I might not like the tattoos, but it doesn't change the way I feel about the person underneath the ink. I do think there are some really artistic and brilliant tattoos out there. My ex-husband's aren't among those.
When I saw the picture of Meaghan's tattoo the first thing that flashed through my mind (immediately after I saw the EMT's trying to resuscitate me after a cardiac arrest...I apparently didn't get to the baby aspirin fast enough!), were my former husband's tattoos. And then I "accidentally" found out (through yet another Facebook photo that someone else had posted of my daughter), that there was another tattoo gracing Meaghan's body.
I immediately sent Gareth out to the drug store for more baby aspirin and sent Meg a text message pretty much saying, "WTF?!?!?!?!" Meaghan responded with, "Oh yeah, I was going to tell you about the other one..." I shot back, as fast as my thumbs could move across my cell phone, "When?!?!? When Gareth is spooning applesauce into my mouth and wiping my ass because a massive stroke has left me unable to do either of those things myself?!?!!"
The tattoos weren't exactly small, or in inconspicuous places. Meaghan phoned me and we talked about the tattoos and I felt marginally better once she told me that she had gotten ripped a new one by her Commanding Officer (and was eventually told, because the tattoos were both religious and meaningful, that she was good to go.), and she mentioned that the tattoos were important to her. I figured if she had already gotten reprimanded by her CO, she didn't need another one from me...but I did manage to throw in a few, "Are you intentionally trying to kill me?", "Do you know what this does to your poor mother!", "You're going to regret this when you're old and wrinkled and no one can make out just what the hell they say!" I had to make sure I got a few of those choice momisms in or I could easily be accused of slacking on the job.
I took a few deep breaths...in and out, in and out. Then I started looking through a bunch of photos I have on Facebook of Meaghan. She is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful creatures on the face of the earth. I'm her mom, I can say that. I also happen to think it's true. I just hated the fact that she got the tattoos and that they were huge! I was scanning through photos like this one...
and this one, her Senior Portrait that I took,
...and then this one, taken the same day I took her and Katie's Senior Portraits. This reminded me of what a free spirit my daughter is...
And then I came across this photo...
If that one wasn't enough to stop me in my tracks, I saw this one that she took for me so I could see what she looked like in her Air Force ABU's...
I couldn't help but giggle when I passed this one, of Meaghan and her USAF Tech School BFF, Justine, in their "BCG's"...Birth Control Glasses!
The photos of Meaghan in her Air Force blues and then in her ABU's was a shocking reminder of how much of an adult she really is and that as an adult, she's going to make choices I don't agree with, but in the bigger picture, those choices don't diminish the amazing person that she is. She graduated BMT (boot camp) in the top of her flight, she busted her ass, and continues to do so every single day, for those she loves and a country she takes great pride in!
Two tattoos do not negate the amazing woman that she is or the extremely hard job that she strives to excel at every single day. And honestly, it doesn't make her any less beautiful in my eyes. I take tremendous pride that Meaghan is my daughter and that she's out there busting her ass for her country.
Besides, don't you wish every soldier could look as good as Meaghan and Justine do in their ABU's and then pull this off during their down time?
These young women get up insanely early every day, put on more than 25lbs of "battle rattle", roll around in the hot dirt and sand, know how to use a machine gun, grenade launcher, and defend themselves and their brothers and sisters in arms, all while getting hardly any sleep, taking classes to help prepare them to better do their jobs, and ready themselves to leave everything they grew up with to head to bases thousand miles away in foreign and sometimes hostile lands.
After a lot of thought and introspection, I've come to the conclusion that I'm the one who needs to grow up and stop making such a mountain out of what is really just a very small molehill on the landscape that is this life.
Oh sure, I'm grateful too, it could have been so much worse. Meaghan could have ended up with something like this...
