I wasn't sure I would ever publicly comment on all the noise surrounding the loss of Katie Granju's son, Henry, but now that I'm good and angry, I'm going to let loose. I'm sorry I'm once again writing about something other than what I'd promised. It's simple...a lot of this needs to be said.
For those of you not familiar with Katie, she is the author behind mamapundit.com, she is Ackerman PR's Director of Digital and Social Media as well as a featured blogger at Babble.com. She is also the author of the popular attachment parenting book, Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child. The forward for this book was written by none other than the guru of AP (attachment parenting), himself, Dr. William Sears. Despite the popularity of her book and her huge following, she has said over and over again, that she is not an expert in parenting.
The circumstances surrounding 18 year old Henry's death are heartbreaking and tragic. He had a substance abuse problem which contributed to his death; however the entire picture of all that went into Henry's too early and horrible death still remain the subject of an ongoing investigation. But that's not what I want to discuss, or debate. The end result is the same...a beautiful young man is gone. Forever. His mother's life has been torn asunder and the loss of her son has left her with a gaping hole which bleeds the deepest red of heart blood.
Because Katie is a proponent of attachment parenting there has been a fair amount of criticism in the blogosphere and through other news media channels (I'm not going to link to everything because some of it is quite cruel. A Google search will net you a plethora of related stories) about the fact that attachment parenting must not have been such a good thing if her child ended up with a drug problem. Really? REALLY? This talk, this endless noise coming from people who have not walked in Katie's shoes nor dealt with her exact situation just makes the bile in my stomach rise. The asinine drivel some of these people spout off makes me crazy with anger on her behalf.
Henry's death has zero to do with attachment parenting. Absolutely nothing. Some children are more prone to addiction than others in spite of how they were raised. We all know kids who have come from the best families where love is always outpouring, conversation flows freely and there are no [damaging] skeletons in the closet, yet these kids develop a substance abuse problem. By the same token we all know people who were raised in completely dysfunctional families where addiction and abuse ran rampant and yet the the children of those families ended up being caring, healthy, happy, compassionate and well-adjusted adults. The manner in which you parent your child does not always dictate how that child will turn out.
There has also been a great deal of chastisement from people over how she's handling the sheriff's investigation into exactly what happened the night Henry was assaulted and subsequently overdosed on drugs. She's turned to her blog and other online outlets to vent her frustration with the process. She's never once condoned Henry's actions and is quick to admit that his actions were illegal. She held Henry fully accountable for the part he played in all that happened. However, she has every right to vent about this, in whatever manner she sees fit! She hasn't called a militia to arms to charge the Knox County Sheriff's office! Sadly, that's how she's being portrayed in certain cases. She wants answers. She wants the investigation to be given the due time and process it should be.
After reading some of what's being volleyed about back and forth via Twitter and a couple of other sites I refuse to link to (and drive up their traffic), I can say with absolute certainty that it's hard, no, it's impossible to know how anyone would react to the situation, unless you've been there and crawled along the same dagger filled road she is.
I imagine Katie is a boiling pot of anger, loss, sadness, sorrow, rage and full of such an indescribable pain - pain that I myself, as her sister in grief, who has done the unthinkable and lain one of her own to rest, can not even begin to articulate. Combine all that with the fact that she's probably angry with herself, her son,those
who injured him be it with their fists,a weapon, or drugs. She's going to aim that anger
at anyone and right now. In this case it may very well be those who are tasked with investigating the
circumstances surrounding Henry's death. You
might do the same thing given the same circumstances. It's really hard to judge that what she's doing is
"dumb" or "wrong" as I've seen some claim. Come on! She just buried a beautiful young man...it
doesn't matter that he was an addict. He
was her son.
In the days immediately following my son Joshua's death, I lashed out at the San Bernardino County Sheriff's department in what was probably the wrong way. But dammit, I wanted answers! I wanted to know why the man who hit my son, whose license had been suspended, was even on the road, and why he wasn't given a sobriety test or hauled in and administered a blood alcohol test. What were the investigators doing to find out why the hell my child was anywhere near that Goddamned road so late at night? What were they doing to investigate the stories we had been told about the allegations that there had been another person, a boy present with the babysitter, and that she was not paying appropriate attention to our son and had let him run into the road? Had the internet been around in the way it is today, I may very well have taken to the web to vent my anger and frustration.
Frankly, I'd be even more inclined to lash out at the authorities if they'd handled things the way those involved with investigating Henry's death, are handling things. They went to the media first with the preliminary results of Henry's autopsy as well as the preliminary results of the criminal investigation. They didn't extend the Granju family the common courtesy of notifying them first. To me, this seems like a calculated response to the Granju's family's questioning of how they have been handling the investigation. It's immature, tactless and displays a huge lack of professional ethics, not to mention compassion.
Katie let those in charge in the investigation know, in the most respectful terms possible, that she wanted justice for her son. Isn't that a parent's right? To demand justice for a child who may have been intentionally placed in harms way? Harm that very well could have contributed to his death? Would you not want the very same had this been your child, dying in your arms...your child that you are laying in the cold hard ground?
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Katie, my heart aches for you. Despite the fact that I have walked down a similar road covered in thorns and broken glass, and am still, to this day, left with a gnawing ache that will never ever go away, I have no words that I can offer that will act as a balm for the gaping wound left by the death of your son. I hate that you are now my sister in pain, grief and loss.
Please know that you will remain close to my thoughts and heart and a constant in my prayers.
