It's been a while since I had one of these fancy-schmancy "list" posts...oh wait, what's that? This isn't fancy you say? Well just pretend it is, mmmmK?
Without further ado, I give you my tirade for the day...
- I'm pretty sure I have adult-onset ADD. I am not joking. Why do I think I have adult onset ADD? Because I can't focus on anything for more than 5 minutes before I'm off doing something else. I start a post, then get distracted and go and start something else like a load of laundry and I'll have one load transferred from the washer into the dryer with the next load sitting on the floor in front of the washer and totally forget it's there before I'm doing something else altogether. I've been noticing that it's getting worse lately and it sucks. I'm aware that one of the symptoms associated with depression is a lack of focus but I don't think I'm at the point in my "recovery" where that's what this is all about. I need to remember to add this concern to my laundry list of things to speak to my doctor about whenever I get around to remembering to make that appointment.
- Cat hair! It's effing everywhere! I am so bloody sick of turning around after having swept, and then Swiffered, then vacuumed and finally steam mopped and finding another 25 tumbleweeds floating across my living room floor! These damned things are the bane of my existence lately!
Hence the reason all three furbeasts are going in for Lion Cuts this year. I'm so tired of FURminating them every other bloody day and having my Dyson or my stick vac be absolutely full of cat hair. It's all over everything! The amount of money I spend on lint rollers is obscene. I am OVER not being able to wear black (and come on, it's every fat girls best friend!) because I come away looking like I just rolled around the floor of a cat hoarders home! Why the hell didn't God have one of the plagues that descended upon Egypt be a plague of cat hair? Pharaoh's wife would have been all over his ass to make him just let Moses' people go already!
- New York drivers. Simply put, I do not have enough middle fingers when driving out and about, around here.
- Eczema. I have been dealing with miserable eczema on my hands for my entire life. One would think I'd be used to it. No. One never gets used to it. I can go almost an entire year without a flare up, but something will come along, usually stress, and cause a horrible flare up. I'm under enough stress right now (some of it is self-imposed...I'm dealing with it. Some financial, some emotional and some of it is brought on by the cat who is currently licking my toes at this very moment and is going to get a very abrupt shove if he doesn't knock that crap off! Ewwww!) to bring an elephant down. It's gotten particularly bad and not only do my hands itch, but they're cracking and bleeding, and because I've scratched them so bad in the middle of the night, they're bruised as well. Eczema can suck it! It's given me the hands of an 80 year old!
I can't wear my wedding rings because the eczema on that hand is really bad on that particular finger.
Attractive, aren't they?
- The moms at the YMCA in the swimming pool on Sunday who treated me like a leper. Get over yourselves. Seriously? All Gaby wanted to do was talk to your kids who were around her age, yet you looked at me and moved as far away as you possibly could, nearly intruding on those who were trying to swim and not gossip. You looked at me as if I was going to eat you and your children whole! It's alright though, really! I ate before we left the house so that I would make sure I didn't snack on any unsuspecting swimmers. Honestly, my kid just wants to make some friends and it breaks my heart that she's being shunned because you can't get over the fat lady in the pool. Here's a news flash, I'm not going to stop swimming because it makes you uncomfortable seeing me in a bathing suit. I like to swim. I'm actually a very good swimmer and it gives me some relief from the daily aches and pains of being fat. It's all on you if you can't handle it. I pay my hefty monthly dues just like you, so just suck it up buttercups!
- Four and a half. People talk about the "Terrible Twos" (I lived through those with TWINS!), like it's something you have to receive post traumatic stress counseling for. Ha! Four and a half [going on fourteen] is kicking my ass! I love Gaby dearly and it's a damned good thing I do because let me tell you, she has attitude in spades and the brains to go with it - and sometimes, that is not the greatest combination. She's in that God-awful stage right now where poop is really funny and she's embracing her inner 7-year old boy. I'd like to strangle that inner 7-year old boy sometimes. She was singing "My Favorite Things" earlier today from "The Sound of Music" and instead of singing, "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens..." she sang, "Poop plops on roses and snotters on kittens..." And then she sat there and laughed until she had tears in her eyes at her brilliance and comedic genius. I told her that she was going to make Fraulein von Trapp cry if she didn't knock it off!
- Time Warner Digital Cable. Dear nobs at Time Warner...thanks for breaking something that didn't need to be fixed in the first place. We liked the old set up better, before you went and changed how our DVR and Guide worked, remember those days? Those were the good old days. Now you've gone and screwed it all up and in the process of "adding features" you erased all of my recorded shows and you completely changed how I looked up the shows I wanted to record in the first place! Gee thanks! Now I'll never know what odd and unusual things Andrew Zimmern was eating in Uganda!
There you have it, my tirade. I feel much better now!
