Gaby nursing, April 2006
I want to preface this by saying that I hope I don't end up alienating anyone who reads this, or who has read Barking Mad for a while now. I don't want to offend anyone or come across as being judgmental and end up making you feel like your parenting choices were wrong and somehow less beneficial for your child. I really try not to have a superiority complex when it comes to breastfeeding.
That being said, I've been called many things when it comes to my views on breastfeeding - most recently, a "lactivist." I've always said, if the shoe fit, I'd wear it. In large, I think it's a pretty good fit, although I'm well past the point on my own journey through motherhood, where I'm actively lactating...nope, I was forced to stop that nearly two years ago when Gaby was 2 1/2. Yes, she was two and a half YEARS OLD. I was more than happy to go until she was three and then slowly wean her. However, my battle with depression dictated a change in medication; one that was not compatible with nursing, and I was forced to wean her. It was rough on both of us and made even more difficult by the fact that I felt I was failing her because I couldn't deal with the part of myself that was broken inside and needed stronger drugs in order to deal with the suffocating sadness and suicidal thoughts I was having.
We've all heard the idiom, "Breast is BEST!" or maybe you've even seen blinkies and graphics like these on the blogs of breastfeeding moms or breastfeeding advocacy sites...
Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiments above. Human milk is for human babies. It's the way we were designed. George Washington's mother did not set him to suckle at the teat of Jersey cow! She either nursed him herself, or if she was unable, had a wet-nurse feed baby George. It wasn't even until the mid (1)1860's that formulas using cow-milk were created and given to babies who were unable to nurse.
I haven't always been so zealous when it comes to breastfeeding and that was completely due to a total lack of education about the benefits for both mother and child. When my first child, Joshua, was born, it was a very traumatic experience. I was a teenager and no one stressed the importance of breastfeeding to me, beforehand. After more than 50 hours in labor culminating in me almost having a stroke, I was rushed in for an emergency c-section. The doctors and nurses that cared for me, postpartum, told me - "Oh you won't want to nurse, take it from me. It's best to just bind yourself real tight and take this little pill and your milk will dry right up!" I believed them and Joshua was started on formula immediately. He was a healthy baby and toddler, right up to the end.
Then when my twins came into the world, a little over 18 months later, and born more than seven weeks premature, I was given minimal education on breastfeeding. A lactation consultant came to visit me during my prenatal hospitalization for pre-eclampsia and said that I should really consider at least pumping breast milk for the babies because they were liable to be preemies and they'd need all of the extra protection my colostrum (first-milk) and breast milk could provide. I was even sent home with a really nice electric pump after they were born. For a while I did pump. I even tried to physically breastfeed them but it was hard. It was really hard! I became frustrated. This was compounded by the fact that the hospital sent us home with, no joke, a nearly six-month supply of formula.
While I had a lactation consultant telling me that breast was best, the hospital had a contract with a certain formula manufacturer and the postpartum staff would let them know when a mother of multiples gave birth and I was automatically hooked up with the formula. One of my postpartum nurses even told me that I wouldn't want to breastfeed and that formula would be so much easier, less work and not nearly as stressful as trying to maintain my milk supply for two babies. She gave me tons of formula samples and pamphlets that the hospital had been provided by various formula and baby food manufacturers. Talk about giving new mothers a mixed message. I was set up for failure from the start!
It got to the point where the frustration of trying to nurse two babies at once was overwhelmed by the availability of all that formula. I was overwhelmed with having a toddler and two newborns at home and took the road of least resistance. At least the twins got my colostrum and nearly two months of expressed breast milk.
With my fourth child (third pregnancy), it was night and day. There was a span of three years between Matt and Meg's birth and Zack's arrival. In that span of time Josh died, we moved to WA state and I started to read more about pregnancy and childbirth. Our family was flat broke. I was not prepared for another child and the thought of having to pay thousands of dollars for baby formula made my stomach churn. I also read a lot about the nutritional benefits of breast milk and went to the library and checked out books filled with studies and statistics. My OBGYN's office had a full time lactation consultant who spoke with every mother right around the 20-week mark and she gave me even more information about breastfeeding. I'd come to the conclusion that this was what I wanted to do for this new baby. From the moment he was born it was a relatively simple process.
Because I'm fairly self-conscious, the only issues I had when breastfeeding Zack was the proximity of other people when it came time to feed him. Eventually I learned creative ways to cover myself up and I grew less concerned with what other people thought. When Zack turned 1, he completely self-weaned. Just like that! He never had a bottle, or formula, but something just clicked and he was done.
Fast forward 13 years and I find myself with a small miracle...Gareth and I were married in 2003 and despite being told that my chances of ever conceiving again were slim to none, yet on Father's Day of June 2005, I took a home pregnancy test and sure enough, it confirmed my suspicions. Gareth was going to be a daddy for the first time!
This time around I was bound and determined to become as educated about pregnancy and childbirth as I could! I knew this was going to be my last child and there was no excuse for me to not do everything I could so assure a healthy pregnancy and birth - despite the fact that I already knew due to my age, weight, and the fact that I'd already had three previous c-sections, I was an automatic candidate for a repeat c-section. I joined forums and message boards, read every single book I could get my hands on (I still have quite the library...if anyone is interested in a pregnancy book, by all means, let me know and it's yours!), and started speaking to lactation consultants early in my pregnancy.
I never could have foreseen the hell I'd go through after Gaby was born prematurely and nearly died, trying to give my child breast milk and only breast milk...even after she was clearly out of danger. I was getting constant mixed messages from both the NICU staff and then the nursing staff in the step-down ward once Gaby was off of all support machines and only had a gavage tube.
I was constantly told by nursing staff that because she'd been in the NICU she'd have a horrible time trying to latch on and unless I wanted to spend her first six months pumping, it would be better to just go ahead and start bottle feeding her with what I'd pumped, (and OMG did I pump during those first weeks she was in the NICU...so much so that they asked me to stop bringing in so much milk for her because there was no room in the NICU freezer and fridge for other mothers to store their breast milk), and then make the switch to formula which was "just as good!" I went ballistic and phoned a couple of friends I'd gotten to know via pregnancy and childbirth boards, who talked me off the ledge and kept me focused on following what Gaby's own doctor told me to try and do...let Gaby get good and hungry and despite the gavage tube, let her learn how to latch on and let her nurse for a good solid twenty minutes.
Despite Gaby's very own doctor notating this in her chart, the nurses would be damned if I was going to rearrange their predetermined schedule. They had a "plethora of formula available" they'd tell me, to which I replied that "I have breasts with warm milk on tap!" They told me she'd "never learn to latch on" or would have "nipple confusion", to which I snapped back, "Watch and see, she will latch on and the only nipple I'm going to give her, is MINE!"
These are health professionals who are educated and know better?
I could more than understand this attitude if I showed some hesitancy to breastfeed, or if Gaby had been in the NICU longer than she was, or if I had supply problems or there were other health issues. None of those were a factor and herein lies the problem. There is no advantage to hospitals to truly educate women on what's in the best interest of their child if they are capable and willing to give breastfeeding a try. There is no benefit to them to advocate for breastfeeding. I'm sure the kickbacks they receive from formula manufacturers don't hurt either.
If you tried breastfeeding and it didn't work - you had issues, or supply problems or illness intervened, I can understand that and I would back you to the hilt to formula feed your child. You do what is right for you and your child, period.
What I absolutely do not and never will understand is the woman who just refuses to try, or thinks it's gross or whose husband would be upset if she breastfed...and that right there is mostly due to our society and the sexualization of breasts and the genuine lack of education our health care providers should always be tasked with giving women who are preparing to give birth.
When I posted the first part of this mini-rant (well OK, it's taken on Biblical proportions at this point), it was spurned after a series of very heated and emotional debates in the blogosphere about breastfeeding in general, breastfeeding in public and extended breastfeeding...all things which I am passionate about. I have a hard time swallowing some of the ignorance shown by people on the topic.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that formula is poison, or that it should be available by perscription only. However, based on the results of the polls I posted in the first part of my rant, I'd genuinely like to know why or how those of you who answered that six months was long enough to breastfeed, came to that conclusion? Or even a year? Or why do you have anything against extended breastfeeding (I'm not talking about the rare woman who has been documented breastfeeding her kids until they were 8 or 9 years of age, but more along the lines of breastfeeding until 3 or 4 years of age.), and why you feel that if a baby can ask for it, she's old enough to stop breastfeeding?
When Gaby was about 18 months old, I posted this video (and people had very passionate feelings about this...especially because she could ASK for it! Seems to be a huge no-no. If your kid can ask for it, then it's time to cut them off!) of her asking for "mommy milk."
As you can clearly see in the video, she was drinking out of a sippy cup, yet still breastfeeding. She did have some very serious eating issues. At around 11 months old she stopped gaining weight and just stopped eating. At the time, before her issues surfaced, she would try anything and everything. Salmon being her favorite. She went from eating just about anything we put in front of her, to perhaps two things aside from breast milk.
After seeing several specialists, it was decided that I should keep right on nursing her to supplement what she wasn't getting...that's the beautiful thing about breast milk - it tailors itself to your child's needs. Even if Gaby hadn't developed serious food related problems (we discovered later that it was a combination of her first illness, at 11 months old, and severe tactile and sensory issues that led to her not wanting to eat...she still has a couple of problems with food to this day, mostly tactile, like her mother.),I would have still continued to nurse her until we felt it was time to wean. I had the full support of her pediatrician and my own doctor. This was in the face of the dirty looks I'd get when I'd have to nurse in public. "OMG!!!! It's a boob! Put it away before the morals of society totally collapse" their expressions would say.
Gaby, February 2006,nursing at home.
Believe me, I'd never NIP (Nurse in Public) without a generous hooter-hider! I'm far too self-conscious to just whip it out in public!
Nursing Gaby on Pine Point Beach, ME, July 2006
I will never understand what the big deal is, about a woman nursing her child, in public? I'm insulted and infuriated at every single time I was asked to take her to the restroom, or to my car, to feed her. LIKE HELL! Just because, for some bizarre reason, you're made uncomfortable by the sight of a mother feeding her child, don't ask me to do anything other than what I'm doing. Don't ask any woman to take her child into a restroom and feed it! That's beyond disgusting.
Worse than the looks a mother gets while breastfeeding an infant, are the looks of utter outrage a mother gets when she is nursing a child who is obviously no longer an infant and might very well be a toddler. Again, why? What about this offends you? In this day and age it's easy for anyone to Google the benefits of extended breastfeeding. Americans are seemingly the only ones who are completely skeeved out by this. I don't understand it. Breastfeeding for as long as the mother and child are comfortable with it and are healthy, should be the only things that matter, yet they aren't and that saddens me.
All of this combined with the gross sexualization of female breasts as being portrayed as nothing more than playthings for intimate partners, the lack of education, and the obvious conflict of interests our hospitals, birthing centers and medical providers have (thanks in no small part to formula companies), all play a huge part in this topic being the emotionally heated mine-field that it is...and that's unfortunate because in the end, it's our children that end up paying for it.
At the end of the day it shouldn't be what society and media dictates, about how you parent your children, and especially how you feed them, influence how you do what is best for your child and family. The only person's opinion that matters is your own.
While I will never back down from believing that breast feeding is the absolute best way you can nourish your child; I will support your right to decide for yourself what works best for you and your child, if you've come to the conclusion that breastfeeding is just not working, for whatever reason. I just hope that the reason you came to that place...the place where you absolutely can not do it, is not a result of how an insecure society has made you feel.
(1) Infant formula; evaluating the safety of new ingredients.
