Barking Mad

If I Could Only Trust That Little Voice

"Trust that little voice in your head that says, "Wouldn't it be interesting if..." And then do it."

~Duane Michals~

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I am really struggling right now with not only trusting myself and listening to my inner voice, but trusting what others tell me.   It's not that they've lied to me, it's that I don't believe anything anyone says, especially if it relates to something positive about me.

It's been a sucktastic day around here.  Between telling my inner voices to hush and trying to comfort a sick kiddo, there just isn't enough wherewithall left to sit down and write more than a few sentences.   Gaby is still feeling pretty crappy and for some reason I'm running a fever and have been exhausted all day long.   All I wanted to do is curl up and sleep for most of today.  I'd sit down to write something and just become overwhelemed with how tiring the act of clicking a page here and another there, became.

Tomorrow is another day.  Maybe I'll feel a bit more like sorting through the voices in my head...or at the very least, telling them all where to go and giving them specific directions if needed.

Do You Know What Dave Barry Said?

I love Dave Barry.  I've read every single book he's ever written and if his syndicated column were published in our local paper, I'd read that too!

I was trying to have a phone conversation with my sister Amanda, earlier today, in between being interrupted by a precocious four year old telling me every 30 seconds, "I wanna talk, I wanna tell Auntie Amanda 'bout the newfie I want and how I make a hole in Miss Zebra, lemme talk mommy, lemme talk, LEMME TALK!!!!" and in the midst of telling Gaby to "BE QUIET BECAUSE MOMMY IS TRYING TO HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT CONVERSATION", I completely gave up and asked my sister, "So how is 18 months treating you?  Because I've got to tell ya sis, four years old is kicking my butt!"

I don't know what moron decided it was the "Terrible Twos" that were the most miserable because frankly, "two" was a breeze with all of my kids.  The gap between Gaby and my next oldest is a little over 13 years so I might be a little fuzzy on the later preschool years, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember feeling like I wanted to have a shot of something, hell, even Nyquil, by the time the credits on Sesame Street rolled, if I'd been as close to being driven completely 'round the bend, as I am now! Besides, when the twins were four, they had one another, and when Zach was four, he had the twins.  Gaby has...me and three cats during the day.

I went on to tell my sister about a recent exchange between Gaby and I.  We were all in the car going somewhere and Gaby was being...well, a pain in the butt.  Can I say that without someone calling CPS on me?  Can I actually verbalize that yes, my child is occasionally a pain in the butt?   So anyhow, Gaby was mouthing off and being rude.  I turned around and looked at her at said, "Gabriella, you had better watch the way you speak to me!"  And without missing a beat Gaby looked me in the eye and said, "Well I can't because I can't see my mouth!"

Gareth almost had to pull the car over because he was laughing so hard.  I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from giggling.  There was no point in trying to come back with a witty parental retort because in all honesty, she had me there.  Gaby is nothing if not logical and very literal!

Another case in point...We're once again in the car and this time it's just Gaby and me.  We're on our way into town and we have to cross a small bridge over a lake in order to get there.  The town is currently building a brand new bridge alongside the older one and there are cranes and other heavy machinery all over the side of the road.  Gaby asked me why they were building a new bridge and I told her, "Because the old one is in bad shape and falling apart."  To which Gaby replied, "Why is it falling apart?  Why is it old?"  I told her that "Everything ages and sometimes when things get really old, they don't work as well anymore so they have to be replaced."   She thought about what I said for a moment and then asked me, "Well mommy, you're pretty old, when are you going to start falling apart?"  I looked in the rear-view mirror and exclaimed, "Oh look over there Gaby, there's a pig flying over that boat!"  She just laughed and told me I was silly, but at least we diverted any further questions in what was turning into The Grand Inquisition.

As I drove to the store I had to laugh because my sister's biggest complaint about my niece, her 18 month old daughter is that she constantly says, "Mommy mommy mommy MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MAAAAAAAAAAA!" and then when Amanda says, "What", Cali, my niece, just giggles and runs away.  I had told my sister, at some point in our conversation, "Just wait, it gets better!"  And by better, I think I meant what Dave Barry said...

"I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse."

I can not wait for my sisters, Amanda who has 18 month old Cali, and Diana who has an 11 year old, to enter the full-on teen years with their girls.  I'm pretty sure I'm not going to give them any hints about what's around the bend.  Why ruin the fun?

Quote of the Day - Overcoming Adversity

   

image credit

"A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner."

~English Proverb~

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I know that a quote isn't really considered an entire post, but as rotten as I'm feeling, I hope you'll cut me a little slack as I'm still trying to work my way up to posting more often, in an attempt to get back into the swing of things.  I also really like that painting and the proverb is really apropos for where I am right now in my day to day life.  I need to keep reminding myself that adversity is nothing more than an opportunity in disguise! 

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I spent most of today at my doctor's office being poked, prodded, swabbed, and when they weren't doing all of that, they were taking chest x-rays.

The throat swabs came back negative for strep - something I was really worried about.  My sore throat has taken on epic levels of pain and both lymph nodes in my neck now resemble angry bratwursts.  Seriously folks, they are that big.  Oh, and sore.  And when I swallow, it's like trying to force a bunch of ten-penny nails down my throat. 

After looking at my chest x-rays and talking to a toxic allergen specialist, my doctor thinks that my body is reacting to the black-mold spores I was exposed to when the ceiling in our bathroom collapsed and all those months worth of stagnant water came down along with it.  I was already fighting off a nasty UTI and then bam!  This happens.  Let's be honest...obese people often aren't real healthy and right now my body is waving the white flag of surrender and slowly caving in to everything that comes it's way...despite the baby steps I'm taking to get back on track.  

So, I'll cruise through this valley of potholes and get over it.  I have to tell ya though, I was having a hardcore talk with the Powers That Be after my throat was swabbed and I gagged so hard that I sent the doctor leaping backwards about 5 feet, while she pulled her white coat just a bit tighter around her...I looked up and said, "Yo, PTB, it sure would be nice if you could arrange a way to have an air conditioner dropped off at the house today...it's like 95F+ with 80% humidity and I'm trying to fight this crap out of my body but I am suffocating at home!"   I think I was only kind of half serious.  We had been talking about getting an AC unit, at least for the upstairs because it was well over 100F+ and unbearable.  Our bedroom and the office and loft are all upstairs and it was miserable! However, for the foreseeable time being, buying an air conditioner just wasn't in our budget.

A bit earlier this evening, our landlords phoned and asked if they could come by and do some more work on the bathroom in an effort to continue the repairs.  After warning them that the house looked like a herd of angry wombats had ran through it, I told them it was fine.  Gareth and Gaby buzzed through the house like nothing I have ever seen and did an amazing job of tidying things up.  By the time the landlords arrived it only looked like perhaps a grumpy wombat or two had ambled through the house. 

Well, I'm just going to tell you right here and now that we have absolute ANGELS for landlords.  Not only are they one of the nicest couples I have ever met, they are so kind to Gaby (and Gaby just adores Mrs. Landlord...I think she kind of sees her as a grandma figure and Mrs. Landlord just dotes on Gaby!), and so very nice to us.  Before I knew what they were doing, they were carrying a huge box upstairs in which was a brand new air conditioner!

Thank you Universe, Thank you PTB and Thank God and great landlords that I am about to lay my tired head down on a genuinely cold pillow and not one that I have stuffed with ice packs. Our landlords went on to tell us that if the downstairs area was getting to be a bit too stifling, to let them know and they'd install an even larger unit down there. 

Our landlords really are cooler than the other side of the pillow!