Barking Mad

My Pregnant Brain!

 

So much has been going on lately, but not much of it is physical - nope, most of it is mental. In fact, at times, I've got so much mental noise going on, that I feel as if my brain is surely going to ooze out of my nose, ears and mouth.

I can't even count the number of posts where I've said I was either going to let loose out here, or had this, that or another subject I really wanted to write about, or that I wanted to post photos from some adventure we went on and...well, it never materializes.   I can't get anything out of my head and onto paper - so to speak because there's so much stuff cramped up in there and it's all jockeying for a spot at the front...to be let out that it causes a huge snarl-up of brainy traffic, if that makes any sense. 

Often times it's quite literally as if my brain itself is pregnant...11 months along and labor is no where in sight.   Hence the title of this post. 

What?  You thought I was actually PREGNANT?  Nope, sorry about that.

The Move to New York

Everyone keeps asking me how I like it here.   I don't know.  It's white, and gray, naked and frozen. The people move fast but seem nice enough.  I am numb to everything around me right now.  I'm still unpacking and worrying about the house back in Maine.  Maybe when the spring thaw hits I'll be able to feel a bit more of the "soul" of this place we now call home.  Until then I'm just kind of treading water I guess.

Oh, but there is this little tidbit...the lake that sits directly in front of the house, in all it's frozen mass, is actually pretty damned creepy late at night.   It makes these God-awful sounds and half time time, if I find myself outside after darkfall and I hear this huge almost space-like groaning and heaving sound, I haul ass back into the house.  I don't know what the hell the sound is, or where exactly it's coming from but it genuinely creeps me out.   Gareth thinks it might be the noise of the ice moving around...or something like that.  Whatever it is, it's very chilling.

Gaby

My little ray of sunshine in the form of a curly headed, bedimpled imp, has not adjusted well to the move.  She has had such a difficult time getting settled and liking this place.  I have tried earnestly to not vocalize or even show how homesick I am for Maine, and I think I've done a pretty good job...but my darling girl says her "heart hurts and wants to go home to the old house, to Maine." 

I know we've not even been here six weeks yet and in that short frame of time so much has happened.  Immediately before that she had a fairly stable routine and then her daddy lost his job, there was a lot of stress about our home, Meg left for the USAF, her daddy got a new job, he moved, then we moved, Matt went back to Seattle (I wish I could elaborate on that, but I can't...just know that what led to it was extremely traumatic for all of us, but most especially Gaby),  then we went on a quick trip to Texas to see Meg, and then back to the house to the continued monotony of days spent inside, unpacking, reading, playing games with mommy and generally being bored out of her little mind. 

Gaby misses her big sister in the worst way and sometimes it breaks my heart to hear her talk about her.  When she got off the phone after talking to her last night and wishing her big sister a happy 20th birthday, she collapsed into a heap of tears on my bed and the sounds that came out of that tiny body were almost mournful and brought me to my knees with sympathy for her. 

Added to all this is Gaby's desire to go back to school again.  It was out of necessity that we even had her in the Montessori in Maine.  I was still in outpatient treatment and in other therapy twice a week.  Truth be told, I should be there again, but that's a story for another day...She misses the routine, the friends, and the fun.  I've tried building a routine similar to what she had back in Maine, but she's tiring of it and I can't say I blame her.  We just don't know if school, even another part time Montessori is in our budget right now. 

Unfortunately because her birthday falls so late in the year, she won't begin kindergarten until the fall of 2011.  I'm trying to decide how important a pre-k program really is.  All of my other children were in preschool for 3 days out of the week by the time they were 4.  But that wasn't my choice...my former in-laws impressed upon me the importance of it.  Right now, I don't know if I'm smart enough to try and replicate that in my own home...plus, the big thing that's lacking...friends. Plus...and I'm not bragging (although show me a parent who never says that when speaking about their children and I'll show you a parent who is lying!) or being vain, but she's smart.  I mean, really quite bright and loves challenges and LOVES to learn.  She loved the structure to her days back at the Montessori in Maine and fell in love with learning French and she had just started tumbling classes within the school itself.   Her mommy doesn't "tumble" unless it's going down the stairs outside after a good snowfall.  

What's a mom to do?   All of this makes me feel quite inept at being a good parent to her.  I've been thinking about putting her either into dance or gymnastics but as our budget is still quite tight and New York is not the cheapest state to live in, that might have to wait. 

I'm hoping with the spring thaw will come my own thawing towards this place and a renewed sense of wanting to explore and see what's around here.  And then with the blooming summer and warmer weather, we'll have the lake literally at our door step and a chance to swim and float our days away...of course, I say that now but the thought of anyone looking at me in a swim suit or even shorts and the ridicule that often accompanies it, makes me fearful that people will pity Gaby for being stuck with a mom like me.  It's not all about me,  yet at times, it still is.  So um yeah, I'm still pretty fucked up.  Sadly, it's my kid that's paying for it.

Not all is lost though...

I am working through my issues and battling my demons.  Sometimes they win the occasional battle and sometimes I manage to pull out a victory.  The war is not lost though and I'll keep fighting because really, what other choice is there?

Along those lines and dealing with demons, a lot changed inside my head after I published this post, about forgiving the man who hit and killed my son, all those many years ago.   It was cathartic and opened up so many other possibilities of things I might be capable of.  One of those is reaching out to the girl (and she was merely that, a girl), who was watching Josh the night he was killed.  I have never spoken to her.  We talked to her before we left that evening...we kissed Josh goodbye and told her to call us immediately if she needed us.  The phone did ring but...well, you all can surmise what happened from there.

I want to talk to her.  I've ached and longed to talk to her for almost 20 years.  Immediately after Josh's death her parents refused to let us talk to her.  Their fear was that it might traumatize her, or that we'd be angry and she'd slip back into the catatonic state she was in immediately after his death.  You see...she saw the small pickup truck hit him.  When she realized what direction he had run and looked that way, that's when the impact occurred.   I can't even begin to imagine how awful that must have been for someone so young.  She was 18 when it happened.  I was only 20.  Both of us children still.

I need to talk to her.  I've needed to all these years.  She was the last person to be with my son before he died.  My last memory of Josh is of him standing at her front door, screaming for his mommy.  She has other memories of him I will never have.  I'd love to hear her account of what happened...we really never even got the full story.

Please know I don't want to point the finger in blame.  I no longer hold any acrimony towards her.  I want to talk to her and hear her voice and have her hear mine...I want my words to be loving and thoughtful and careful.  Most of all I want to release her from the burden of blaming herself for his death.  I know that burden has been heavy these long years and I think that Joshua's mother is one of the only people that can help her unencumber herself of that heavy weight.

I never wanted to write about this openly because I didn't want my former husband, Josh's father, or my former in-laws, who I bear a great deal of anger towards, to read this and judge me.  I also, very selfishly wanted to reach out to this woman on my own...without any competition from my former husband.  I know that's incredibly selfish. 

This weighs on my mind greatly.  So much so that I've begun to search for her.  No easy task, that. I only know where her parents were located as of 2001.  So far, based on that, my search has netted me nothing useful.  But I'm going to keep trying.  It's important to me.  

Not Quite Darwin Award-Worthy, but Close Enough!

I continue to live up to my nick-name, "Trauma Magnet."

Last month in an attempt to repair the wings on one of Gaby's mini Tinker Bell dolls, I super-glued myself to Disney's beloved muse.

 

Considering that I have a fairly volatile history with superglue, upon learning of my latest dumbass stunt, Gareth has hidden the superglue and written to the company (as well as many of my other well meaning friends and family members) and asked them to put a small picture of me on all superglue containers alerting sales people to the fact that I should NOT be sold the product.  

Another case in point...lately I've taken to eating flax seed right out of the bag.  I love the stuff!  Too much is a bad thing though, I can unfortunately tell you.  Also, chasing several handfuls of flax seed with low carb beer right before bed is a REALLY REALLY INCREDIBLY BAD THING!  Take my word for it.  Just don't do it.  Otherwise you'll be up all night with hallucinatory dreams so real you'll think there's a damned Nazi in your bedroom about to eat your cat. 

So there you have it...just a few of the things currently plaguing me. 

 

It's Time to Take a Stand and Demand Some Answers!

For too long now I have been complacent; I've sat back and let things go.  I argued that I didn't want to make waves or rock the boat.  At one point I even thought that someone else might take a stand and demand some answers. 

Well, the questions still remain unanswered and people, the situation is dire! It isn't just time to rock the boat, it's time to blow the damn thing up!

As I began to raise my voice and start asking some vital questions, I knew I'd need a partner.  I knew someone else must take a stand with me, someone who has asked the tough questions before and who wasn't afraid to get ugly and be confrontational in the name of our nation's most valuable assets...our children.  

Parents of America, it's time we demanded to know where the hell are Max and Ruby's parents and...

 

...where is Caillou's hair?

So I sat down and wrote a passionate plea for help to...

Dear Mr. Rivera,

I know your time is valuable so I will get right to the point.

In the past you've not had a great deal of success solving certain mysteries, not that I'm rubbing your nose in it or anything, but I thought that perhaps this sort of "mystery" might be right up your alley. I know that you have the balls to confront the powers that be in the worlds of Max and Ruby and Caillou and demand some answers.  After all, you got in Bill O'Reilly's face, so how much harder can this be? 

Maybe you'll finally get some of the journalistic acclaim you've been seeking, if you put your news-hound nose to work, and help me uncover the bold truths about these parentless bunnies and the bald 4 year old...even if it is only kindergartners lauding you with that acclaim.  Hey, you have to start somewhere! 

I believe that you alone sir, possess the chutzpah to attack the meaty truth behind the scenes of these wayward bunnies before something goes horribly wrong - like Ruby having to resort to selling black market coloring books to support the verbally challenged Max.  Ruby may even go down a far more desperate road and start selling her brother's feet for money.  Rabbit's feet charms still fetch something on the open market!

I wouldn't be surprised if the stress of having such an overbearing, domineering older sister like Ruby, leads Max to never gain full range of his verbal abilities and he ends up becoming a white-trash Rabbit, chain-smoking, living in a single wide trailer, covered in tattoos and doing what bunnies with no direction in life do...screwing like bunnies.  How many offspring of his will become a burden to society because no one bothered to step in and demand some answers when he was still young and able to be saved?  A bunny on the dole is a terrible thing!  

Worse yet, if we don't discover the real truth behind Caillou's lack of hair, he may resort to joining the Hair Club for Men...no good can come from that!  Caillou is 4 years old,  but has not got  a single strand of hair on his lollypop-shaped head.  His little sister Rosie has hair in abundance.  Might he be suffering from alopecia and the folks at PBS aren't quite sure how to address it?  I don't know but I suspect there's something much more sinister at play.  Geraldo, I know you can get to the crux of the matter, and soon, before things in poor whiny Caillou's life go terribly pear-shaped and he joins a violent gang of other wayward bald kids and begins to terrorize small Canadian fishing villages.

Please, won't you help?


Yours in Anarchy,

Dear PBS,

How hard can it be to hook a brother up with some hair?  If I can do it, so can you!

I Wonder What Goes Through a Three Year Old's Mind?

I have no clue what goes through a three year old's mind, especially my particular three year old, but if these pictures are any indication, then it must be pretty fascinating.

Did a wee small faerie whisper in her ear?

Perhaps she saw one of Santa's elves spending a relaxing holiday on the beach?



Did someone tell her that all (and not just the smokin' hot yellow one, Greg) of The Wiggles are going into retirement and that Yo Gabba Gabba is being replaced by This Very Very Very Friggin Old House ?



Or maybe someone told her that Tyra Banks called and they're looking for America's Next Top Toddler Model?

Random Thoughts or Better Known as, "I'm Too Damn Lazy to Write Anything Original Today"

My mommily sent me this via email today and as soon as I got done reading it, I knew I had to post it. 

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1. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

4. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

6. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

8. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would America magically fix the problem. Every kid in did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

10. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

12. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

13. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

14. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

15. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

16. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

17. Was learning cursive really necessary?

18. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

19. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

20. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

21. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

22. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

23. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

24. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

25. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart.

26. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

27. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

28. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

29. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

30. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

31. Bad decisions make good stories

32. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

33. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

34. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

35. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

36. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

37. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

38. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

39. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

40. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

41. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

41. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

42. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

43. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

44. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

45. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

46. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

47. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

48. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

49. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

50. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

51. I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

52. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

53. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

54. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

55. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

56. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

57. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

58. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

59. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself.There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

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I fibbed earlier.  I do have a post set to go.  I just can't decide if my trigger finger is itchy enough to hit "Publish" or if I want to sit on it for a while. 

There has been so much discord and animosity here at the asylum lately; the inmates are restless, cantankerous, and there have been a few shouting matches bouncing off the padded walls that were loud enough to rattle even the slumbering bed bugs.  Poor Gareth - so used to always being the referee between the older female inmates, and now all he can do is stand back, well out of the way of any flying objects and hope that those involved don't break anything.

*sigh*

Prayers and positive thoughts would be appreciated if you can throw any our way.

 

I Discovered Ebay and Fell off the Face of the Earth

I'm here...only sort of.  And I'm going to ramble endlessly about photo related nonsense for a little bit.  Oh and Ebay.  Oh yeah, and Joe.  Who is Joe you ask?  Joe is pretty much one of the most awesome people I know right now.  Oh and there's a "Buyer Beware" moral somewhere amidst my mindless mutterings.

Amidst this great back and forth inner battle between choosing to go the way of popular opinion and get a Canon prosumer camera, or stay with Sony's (Sony bought the Minolta/Konika line of DSLR's so it's not like they are just creating these camera's for the first time and asking professionals to trust the build quaility.) line of prosumer DSLR's;  I not only had a "come to Jesus moment" regarding my photography, but I had an "assisted epiphany" in regards to buying camera equipment.  I say "assisted" because one of my favourite local pros, Joe, helped steer me in the direction of Ebay.

Part of this huge inner battle was the fact that last year I nearly spent $8K on a top of the line Canon and deep inside I knew 1.) I had no business spending that much on a camera, and 2.) I was really only getting it because 'everyone else had one' and 3.) I was secretly aprehensive about having to learn an entire brand new system, when I was already comfortable with Sony.  So, I backed off buying the camera and invested in another new lens for the Sony and played with it and decided to deal with all the other crap that was going on at the time (the litigation surrounding the "Very Bad Thing") and worry about the camera later.

Well along comes a big bad depression, a PTSD diagnosis, a crisis with my youngest son, an eating disorder and real doubt in my talent as a photographer, or hell, doubting just about any and all aspects of my life.  Buying a new camera, especially one that cost the price of a decent used car, should not have been looming on my horizon.

Fast forward several months and now that I'm no longer dealing with a looming nasty trial, and the kitchen remodel is over for the most part, I was able to spend more time obsessing about whether or not my talent was worthy of a new camera.   I've written about my "shit or get off the pot" philosophy when it comes to my photography and I also knew that if I was indeed going to do something, then I needed to expand and upgrade my equipment.  Do I stay with Sony or go with Canon or consider Nikon? 

I'm still not sure I have any genuine talent but I know I want to work on it and see where it takes me. 

Having finally decided that I wasn't going to "stay on the pot", I gave into peer pressure and started looking into Canon cameras again and found what I thought was a deal that was too good to be true.  All the time, in the back of my mind I kept hearing that annoying voice telling me dial it down a notch and keep looking at the other Sony's and to talk to people I trust.  But did I listen?  No.  Was that "deal" indeed too good to be true?  You bet your ass it was.   I found a brand new Canon EOS 50D with 3 lenses and a whole boat load of other stuff for a price that was more than $1000 below retail.  I even called to make sure it was all brand new and legitimate and checked to see if there had been any BBB complaints against the company.  Didn't find anything.

I bought the package online and a couple of hours later a rep for the company phoned to confirm my order and then he told me that for only $1200 more I could upgrade to the Canon USA titanium camera body and glass lenses vs. the Indonesian polycarbonate body with plastic lenses. 

What the hell?

He told me that I was already getting a great deal on the polycarb body and then casually mentioned that the camera language was in Indonesian as well.  Not only that, my FPS (frames per second) were going to be halved due to the body difference.  So I wouldn't be getting anywhere close to the 6fps that are standard with that model.  I'd be lucky, with the polycarb body, if I saw 3fps!

What the hell?

Once more he asked me if I'd be "interested in upgrading my package for a convenient $1200".

What the hell?

I told him that I thought he was full of crap and that I wanted to cancel my entire order.  No where on the website or when I phoned the company was I told that what I was getting was basically a cheap plastic overpriced TOY, to which the customer service rep replied, "Mrs. Barking Mad, I assure you, the package you've ordered is still a very good package at a sensational price!  Further to that, this exact package, with a super-zoom telephoto lens is what all the Japanese paparazzi are using."   At that point I'd lost all patience with the nob and shouted,

"Do I sound like a fucking Japanese paparazzi to you?  And I sure as hell must sound dumb, but rest assured I'm not.  This is a bait and switch deal and I'm not buying.  Refund my money right now and end this transaction and then remove me from any and all of your data bases. NOW!" 

End of conversation, start of many tears, much kicking myself and questioning whether this was some sort of sign that I had no business being anywhere near professional cameras, let alone trying to call myself a "professional" or even a "semi-professional" photographer.

Once I made sure my money had in fact been returned to my account, and I'd dried my tears, that's when I phoned Joe and blurted everything out and told him I was about to throw my camera and all my equipment into the Atlantic.  Thankfully he talked me down off the ledge and assured me that this sort of thing happens a lot more often than you'd think and even to professionals who shoot for glossy publications.   Then he mentioned a couple of Sony's I might be interested in says that the model I would do best with is as good as, if not better than, the Canon EOS 50D I was trying to buy - and this is coming from a man who ONLY shoots with Canon!   He also knew I was at a real cross-roads with my lens collection and needed something that made my close ups and portrait work POP.  That's when he suggested Ebay and said that a lot of professional photographers who are just starting to get comfortable with new lenses, get their gear on Ebay.  He himself has bought over 17 lenses on Ebay and even 3 DSLR's.

I went ahead joined Ebay with a fair amount of trepidation. The whole aura of buying someone else's cast-offs or unwanted items and not knowing what I'd actually be getting made me slightly uneasy.   That unease didn't last long though.  Joe gave me the names of some reputable camera dealers on Ebay and sure enough, I found them in no time flat and from the time I clicked the "place bid" button for the first time, I was hooked.  I am now the proud winner of 4 auctions on Ebay, have a nice collections of lenses and amidst all the bidding and nail biting and rebidding because I'd been outbid and then shouting at the faceless person who outbid me, I managed to also find a new Sony DSLR that is exactly what I was looking for and fits my needs perfectly. So now I sit here and wait for the UPS man, who will also be one of my new favourite buddies, to bring me all  my goodies! 

And ya know what?  Whilst it cost me a little more than I'd budgeted, I feel absolutely at peace with this decision and that was something I didn't feel after I'd initially bought that Canon EOS 50D.  I looked into serious professionals who use Sony DSLR's and emailed a few of them and absolutely know I made the right decision...especially after one of them told me that it was hard to listen to the still small voice inside when all the bigger louder voices were shouting "Canon" and "Nikon."  I also got some very sage advice that I hope to be confident enough to use in the near future.

It's funny how something as seemingly inconsequential as a camera has caused me to have one of those "come to Jesus" moments I referenced earlier.  But this little thing...this inconsequential camera decision has been the first damned decision I've felt confident about in almost 18 months.

Now that my introduction and initial excitement with Ebay has cooled off, I might actually have a little more time for writing out here.  Oh and I can't forget the Keurig giveaway that I have coming up.  Camera or no camera, The Keurig needs a home! 

Will it be yours?